Stapler
by SweetMelloJello
Summary: "Maybe it's not what you think," Petra reasoned. "Maybe they're wrestling." Jean laughed. "Yeah, sure. Wrestling in their bedroom sounds just about right." Heavy moans slipped through the door. "H-harder! Harder, please!" Petra only went redder, if that was even possible. "Maybe they're wrestling really hard?"


This isn't my first fanfic, but it is my first SnK fanfic so if the characters seem ooc or something, I'm sorry uwu

I do love Riren, so I figured why the hell not? Might as well contribute to this fandom at least a little bit. I have been wandering around reading fanfics and looking at beautiful fanart, so I might as well present to you guys my shitty fic!

Also AU cuz fuck canonverse. Jkjk, please don't cry, I was kidding ;w;

Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. Or a puppy. Or a better vacuum cuz _damn that one I have now doesn't even work._

I know I'm gonna regret posting this bad fic v.v I so sorry ;w;

* * *

"You know, Eren never returned my stapler," Hanji muttered as she sunk into the comfort of her own recliner.

"And why do you bring that up now?" Jean popped another chip into his mouth with complete disinterest. His eyes were still focused on the various images flickering on to the television screen.

"Because I want it back." The brunette only seemed to sink further into the furniture, like it was a bean bag.

"For what?"

"To staple things. What else?"

Jean's gaze didn't tear away from the television, but he did glare at it as though it were the hyperactive bespectacled woman behind himself.

"What do you guys say?" Hanji struggled to pull herself up from the comfort of her recliner as she moved to sit on its plush edge. "Come with me to get it back," queue mischievious glint in her eyes.

"I'll go," Petra said, jumping into the conversation.

Oluo snorted from his place beside Petra. "You'll only get caught and cry like you did when we snuck into Levi's office last year."

"Actually, I remember both of you crying," Jean cut in with a quite matter-of-factly tone.

Oluo glared at Jean before his gaze shifted to Hanji. "I'll go."

"Great!" Hanji grinned from ear to ear as her hopeful stare shifted to Armin and Mikasa. "Well?"

Armin feigned a light-hearted chuckle. "Ah, it's like you're saying we're going to break into their home." The blonde tried to be the voice of reason, "We can just knock and ask." He looked to Mikasa for back up, but her eyes were still set on the television. Armin knew she wasn't interested in a forty dollar blender though.

"Armin, try to be fun for once," Hanji whined as she slumped back into her chair. "Aren't you suspicious of those two?" A wicked grin painted itself onto the brunette's lips. "They're _living_ together now."

"Eren isn't like that though," Armin said, like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to do so for Hanji. "They're just living together, right Mikasa?"

The dangerous aura emanating from his friend's form told him otherwise. He should've known, ever since those two started living together, Mikasa had been showing complete cautious distrust towards Levi.

"I'll take that as a yes!" Hanji clapped her hands together, obviously too excited about everything. She jumped from her recliner and hurried to the door as she fumbled to slip on her faded black Converse. "Come on, come on," she urged as she laced her shoes up.

Petra and Oluo immediately followed suit as Mikasa got up from her seat beside Armin without a word. Said blonde looked to Jean who was still munching on chips as he looked to the television.

"Are you going to-?"

"Yeah."

xXx

"Let us in!"

"No! Shut up, Jean! They'll hear us!"

"Isn't that the point?"

Hanji sighed as she pushed her way in front of Jean. "You just don't get it, do you?" She shook her head as she raised her hand to the thick, wooden door. She knocked once, twice, three times before she gave up.

"See, Jean was right. You have to be louder," Oluo piped in from his place in the back of the group.

Jean nodded in agreement. "I bet they're not even home."

"I still want my stapler back."

"Drop it about the stapler!"

"Not until I get it back!

As Jean and Hanji argued about that damned stapler and Petra and Oluo watched in complete, nosy interest, Mikasa dropped to her knees.

"Eh? Mikasa, what are you doing?" Armin inquired as he watched his friend lift the worn out welcome mat.

"The key," she said, retrieving the small piece of shaped metal. "Eren always keeps the key under the welcome mat."

Armin sighed, was he really the only one who wanted to respect Eren's and Levi's privacy? Apparently so.

Now Jean and Hanji were practically glaring lasers as they shoved their hands against one another's, attempting to over power the other in strength and stupidity.

Hanji quickly acknowledged Mikasa's discovery as she shoved away Jean, who nearly fell on his ass, but quickly regained balance. "Oh, you found it. Great job, Mikasa!"

Immediately the brunette woman was on the door as she fumbled to unlock it with haste. "Yes! Now I can get my stapler!" Hanji whooped with joy.

"I doubt you're even here for your stapler anymore," Oluo muttered as he trailed in behind the others.

Armin looked around the newly entered living room, and wow was it clean. That was definite proof that Levi now took residence here. "Guys," Armin spoke up, watching as his friends poked around. "Let's just get Hanji's stapler and leave, please."

Said woman scoffed. "What do you think I'm doing, I'm looking for it."

"I don't think anyone keeps a stapler in the fridge."

Hanji let go of the sleek refrigerator handle as she slipped away from the machine. "I was just curious."

"Hey, I knew Levi still had my lighter!" Oluo snapped as he recovered the green lighter from the drawer of one of the various oak end tables. He pocketed it and then continued to look around, all the while muttering, "Maybe he even has my can opener too."

"They're, like, the masters of borrowing and never returning," Petra said as she examined a cleanly kept picture frame. She set the frame back down with precise care because who knew what Levi would do if he found out she ruined his living room in even the slightest.

Hanji noisily rummaged through the cupboards of their kitchen. "Even the cans in here are all neat and organized," she said, picking up a can of beans before she placed it back in and closed the wooden cupboard.

Mikasa silently examined the pictures Petra had just abandoned. "Look," she said, raising a particularly sleek frame. "He has a picture of us."

Armin sighed, there was no helping his friends.

Jean groaned as he plopped down on their brown sofa. "There is nothing interesting here."

Hanji came back into the living room, a determined glint in her eyes. "But we're not even done! There's still more!"

"I think we are done," Petra piped up from her place next to Oluo. "And I don't see your stapler."

"Okay," Armin said with a nervous chuckle as he made way into the kitchen. Pulling on Hanji's sleeve, he tried to usher her out of Eren's and Levi's home. "I don't think it's here, let's just go now."

Hanji began following Armin before she quickly halted, looking around the area with complete cation. It kind of reminded Armin of a suspicious dog. "Did you hear that?" She tore her sleeve away from Armin's grip.

"But..." Armin felt like a ton of defeat was piled on his shoulders as Hanji wandered away from him. Damn, he almost got her to leave too.

"I don't hear anything," Jean said from his place on the sofa.

"Well I did." Hanji looked like she was about to make a new found discovery because her eyes were wide with curiousity as she beckoned her friends to follow her up the stairs. "I heard something, I know I did!" This time her voice was excited, yet hushed.

Everyone else mindlessly followed as Armin trailed behind them with reluctance. "Hanji, I don't think you-"

"Ah, L-Levi!"

Armin blanched, Petra went red, Oluo looked away, Jean held back laughter, and Mikasa looked ready to kill all the while Hanji put her ear up to the door.

"See, see!" Hanji grinned in triumph. "I told I heard something!"

"Maybe it's not what you think," Petra reasoned. "Maybe they're wrestling."

Jean laughed. "Yeah, sure. Wrestling in their bedroom sounds just about right."

"H-harder! Harder, please!"

Petra only went redder, if that was even possible. "Maybe they're wrestling really hard?"

Oluo snorted, "Yeah, and maybe they're having a contest on who can make orgasm noises better. Really, Petra?"

"Maybe it isn't what you guys think," Armin said, trying to be the voice of reason once more as he tried to ignore the obvious moans filtering through the door. "Maybe everyone's minds are just wandering to the gutter?"

"Yeah, and maybe the creaking is just because they're jumping on the bed."

"Jean, you're not helping."

"Armin, it's the truth."

"Well, the only way we can find out is if we look," Petra suggested.

"Petra! That's an invasion of their privacy!" Hanji cried in faux care like she wasn't the one who insisted on breaking into their home. "I love it, lets give it a go."

"Yeah, but what has been seen cannot be unseen," Jean said with a nod.

Hanji didn't seen to care. "Then look away," she said as he threw open the door.

Armin kind of hoped they really had been wrestling, but really he had never been so wrong.

Levi and Eren didn't even notice. It was like they were caught up in their own world of lust, and moans, and other various sexual things as they continued doing their own thing.

Immediately Mikasa flung herself towards the bed, ready to kill before Armin and everyone else had to catch her by her arms and pull her out of the bedroom. Even then maintaining a grip on the girl was difficult because she almost slipped from everyone's hold three times before they managed to make their leave and each time Eren and Levi failed to notice.

Oluo, Jean and Petra struggled to drag Mikasa out of the house due to her kicking and determination to kill Levi.

Hanji closed the door behind them with a soft click and a grin. "They didn't have my stapler."

"They never did have your stapler in the first place, did they?"

"No."

* * *

So I only wrote this cuz some people write fics were they trick you into thinking someone is doing the frickle frackle only for them to be doing something completely innocent, so I decided that I'd have Eren and Levi doing something that was anything but innocent.

But wow, holy crap, that was horrible! During the whole time I was typing that, I had no idea what I was doing. I just went with it and it's very half-assed and I'm sorry v.v

I wonder if anyone even bothered reading the whole thing, like wow if you didn't I don't blame you because I really had no idea what I was doing, like...

I feel like the interactions between all of them were very off, I'm sorry. I felt like I should've had Ymir and Christa, or Reiner, or someone else other than Oluo and Petra. *whispers* Sorry, you two.

Okay, wow, I wonder if I'm gonna regret posting this cuz this is horrible.

Sorrynotsorry

-SweetMelloJello


End file.
